What is Relationship First Parenting?

Introduction to relationship first parenting

Parenting has been defined for decades by 3 types or styles.

Authoritarian- do what I say or I will punish you — probably physically. Permissive — no rules, no expectations. Authoritative — firm boundaries with some communication and empathy.

Recently, a new style of parenting is emerging - with collaboration, connection and unconditional acceptance — Relationship First Parenting.

Obedience and control are out

Many parents say their child “doesn’t listen”, meaning the child is not obedient.

But parents also say they want to raise empathetic, independent thinkers. Control and obedience are about convenience for adults, not what’s best for children — now and in the future. So we stifle their needs and hinder their learning soft skills like problem solving and creative thinking.

If we want to raise independent, empathic adults, we need to model those skills for our children now.

How is Relationship First Parenting Different?

When people hear “kids don’t need boundaries”, they envision neglect, chaos or anarchy.

No boundaries does not leave children without expectations. No boundaries does not breed chaos. No boundaries eliminates coercion, power struggles, and attempts at control. Removing coercion leaves room for collaboration.

Collaboration is relationship building.

Parenting for the future

Relationship parenting uses empathy, connection, and collaboration to guide children into adults who are empathic, creative, independent, and happy!

Empathy is being with big emotions and responding with understanding. Connection is physical and emotional closeness. Collaboration is finding solutions that meet everyone’s needs.

These skills are vital for navigating society, the workforce, and raising the next generation.

Which type of parent are you?

Which would you like to be?

Are you expecting obedience from your children?

What does relationship first mean to you?

This is version 2.0 of this course. To go along with the course, I have started a Facebook group where you can ask all your questions. The lessons will be posted there as well as guides.

I have also created a journal for each week. You can download and print the pdf or make a copy of it in Googledocs to answer. You can share your answers in the comments of each post, or in the Facebook group.