Relationship Parenting - Week Two Day One

Calm is a practice

Week Two Day One

Self care and Calm is learned

Calm is a practice. Calm is a habit. Calm is learned. If you regularly yell when frustrated or lash out, it is a habit. You learned in your life that's how to handle emotions. You can learn a new skill calmly.

Learning calm is like learning any skill you must practice. You must also know that you may stumble. Some days, especially early on, you will yell. Do not take it as a reason to give up. Use it as a reason to practice again.

How do you practice calm?

Self care. Self care has become a cliche in modern society. Everyone knows they need it but no one quite knows how to do proper self care.

When we hear self-care, we have visions of mani-pedis and hour-long beds and meditation retreats, which are great but not always realistic.

Most of my self-care advice is inspired from the books Burn Out by Emily and Emilia Nagasaki.

Here are some of the activities they talk about as self-care:

Here are some activities they talk about as self-care:

Physical activity

creative activity,

Meaning

feeling your emotions

rest

fight unrealistic expectations with facts

connection

Positive reframing

meditation

solutions

self-compassion,

I really suggest meditation if you're working at home. Meditation is quiet focus, then losing focus, then returning to your focus. Then repeat.

The easiest is to put on your favorite new lyrics piece of music and imagine light flowing into you. Focus on your breath and repeat, I love myself. When you notice your focus has shifted, return to the mantra. And when the music goes.

But you can also do a guided meditation or whatever works. The only goal is to practice daily and over a long period, you will be calmer. It only takes time and practice.

Physical activity is great. I call it movement practice, as exercise is a loaded word. Diet culture is so hard to escape when you get into movement.

Basic plan to escape the stigma. Find a movement you enjoy engaging in regularly. Again, consistent practice is the goal. Not weight loss or endurance or even calm, just consistent practice.

Start small but consistent. I like a daily practice because I don't have to decide. Every day, I run and meditate. Easy for me. I started with 10 minutes and built from there. Maybe 5 minutes of dancing or stretching works for you. Start small. You can always add more. The first step is to make the practice easy enough that you get started.

Meaning is also something I've played with. Affirmations are a common form of positive thinking, but you can live or just to keep you focused on meaning in your life you want to create.

Some affirmation / meaning statements I like are Hal Elrod’s Miracle Morning Affirmations and Kamal Ravikant’s I Love Myself meditation.

How do you practice self care? Are you interested in a meditation or mindfulness practice?