Three Long Term Benefits of Gentle Parenting I've Experienced

Three Benefits of Gentle Parenting I’ve Experienced

I have been a mainstream parent. 

I sleep trained, slapped hands, and ignored tantrums. I thought it was right. But it hurt my babies and myself.

I looked for alternative advice and found gentle parenting.

Ending punishment and coercion changed my relationship with my kids.

Coercion, force, shame and punishment create disconnection.

Disconnected kids aren’t cooperative. 

They learn obedience through fear and when you aren’t looking; they follow their whim. Or they follow their friends, fearing more disapproval. When we cultivate working together, kids learn to be independent.

Here’s how I parent with relationship first.

Empathy is emotional safety.

Empathy is showing you understand the feelings of another. It gives the ability to label our emotions and validate our experiences and the experiences of others. When we understand, we can meet their needs. My kids have a strong sense of social justice and care for others around them because they experience empathy. 

Gentle parenting has created a close relationship with my kids.

People outside our family are surprised that my teenager enjoys spending time with me. It’s not a surprise to me because I try to spend time doing what they enjoy. We connect over their favorite things. For example, I seek them out to share videos I’ve seen they may enjoy. They trust I will listen when they are upset and work with them.

My kids are generally willing to help

I’ve never forced chores, but my kids clean up their dishes and my oldest unloads the dishwasher through their own choice. The youngest is struggling with requests, because it removes them from their fun. But we work together through collaboration and connection to make things easier.

From mainstream parenting that felt bad for everyone to parenting that builds our relationship. And kids who are cooperative, but independent, gentle parenting has many benefits.

I gathered some further reading and listening on the subject:

Gentle Parents Unite Podcast an interview with one of the host’s adult children who has been gentle parented her entire life.

Why self reg isn’t permissive The Fourth Strategy - Self-Reg

Six Ways to Respond to Your Kids’ Big Feelings (berkeley.edu)

This is a study of emotional coaching benefits. From my quick read through it was focused on school but parents were also trained in emotion coaching.  Emotion Coaching - A Strategy for Promoting Behavioural Self-Regulation in Children/Young People In Schools: A Pilot Study (europeanpublisher.com) It was a small study but the results were positive and one conclusion was that they’d like to research further. “Nonetheless, emotion coaching provides professionals with a relational model to support their work and teaches more empathic ways to manage behaviour and engender resilience and confidence, rather than relying only on traditional behaviourist principles of sanctions and rewards.”

This is another study from a school but also positive results. The Introduction of Emotion Coaching as a Whole School Approach in a Primary Specialist Social Emotional and Mental Health Setting: Positive Outcomes for All ~ Fulltext (benthamopen.com)

Parental Love with Strings Attached (#) - Alfie Kohn

Alfie Kohn and Stephanie Pinto: Rewards, Punishment, Parenting, Classrooms and Behaviour! - YouTube

Gentle Parents Unite Letting go of Control

meaningfulideas - YouTube relationship first parenting

hj @bouquettragedy

The point of gentle and attachment parenting is to foster emotional security and autonomy within a child, so they feel confident in making their own decisions that benefit their overall health and wellbeing.

Big Homie @OGsPerspective

Gentle parenting is cool, but what happens when the child grows up and people outside the home are everything but gentle? That’s not to say you have to take the opposite approach either. You can be gentle at times and a little aggressive.

Nonhle 🐝💕✈️🧘🏾‍♀️☀️🙏🏾🥰 @NonhleBeryl

This is the part people hate about gentle parenting. They don’t have patience for children and just want them to do what they’re told to do. If not, they become aggressive. Forgetting that children are literally new to this world and have little to no understanding of things.

dammit mama @_Onezwa

The one thing I’ve learnt as a toddler mom is that all toddlers want is an explanation. If you ask a toddler to do or not do something, they will most likely listen if you explain the reason for your request. As would any human being.

💚 Knicolite 💚 @oKEXENo

i love that people use this new term "gentle parenting" when it's literally just explaining to your children the world around them and not instantly abusing them verbally or physically. Then people go "I could never do gentle parenting I don't have the patience" lol